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View Profile Slapdamonkeyaz
Quit PMin' Me. I am NOT a lonely kid. God-damnit.

30, Male

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PLACES. >:(

Joined on 4/15/06

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Dan Dodge

Posted by Slapdamonkeyaz - November 30th, 2007


Just yesterday, 11-29-07, my uncle died. He was like my father. He's the one that played games with me(except sports, you'll see why later), he taught me alot of things(most inappropriate.), and gave me his sarcasm reflex. Early in his life, he did something that fucked up(and I mean seriously fucked up) his metabolism. At age thirteen, he was 250 and 6'0". Doctors told him he wouldn't live to see 30. He lived to see 41, with his birthday just nine days away. He said it himself, "30 is a blessing, 40 is a pipedream."

My uncle has always been a big guy. This year he injured his knee and couldn't leave his room in his apartment. I would go over to help him and keep him company. He knew he wasn't going to make it to Christmas. He got a blood-clot in his left leg earlier this week. Well, blood-clots travel and this one went to his lungs. I followed the ambulance, and helped the paramedics get him onto the gurney. He said he couldn't breathe. I grabbed his hand. I told him that I had always loved him. He squeezed my hand, and laughed. He flatlined and died right there.

We told the entire family, and it wasn't good. My grandfather, the bravest man I knew, broke down crying. My grandmother, being as religious as she is, gave my uncle the final blessing. Me and my brother get half of his bank account. So I get half of nothing, my brother gets the other half. Ha. My uncle didn't want to be missed and he wanted an Irish wake. It's going to be hard not to be somber at the wake. His friends are flying in to do what friends do when someone dies.

We had to pay $600 to move him to a crematory from wherever he was. Because he was so big. If he wasn't, it woulda been $100. Also, cremating him is going to cost $1000 plus because apparently they add $1 a pound after the 220 mark. They also have to 'surgically alter' him into the oven thing or else he may burn the entire place down; That costs $500. For a simple cremation, it's going to cost $2200. He also left behind no will, no money, no notes, no health insurance, no nothing. Except for his ever-lasting mark on me and the Dodge family. May god rest his soul.

Update: He always wanted to make this comic called Obese Ninja. Stealth of Elephant, Swiftness of Office building.

Alright, You can comment. But don't be asshats.

I mean it.

I'm watching you.

I AM.

DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO!


Comments (12)

I read your news post, and your uncle seems like one hell of a guy. I offer you my condolences.

Oh, so he's fat?
No offense meant, but I didn't get that until now.

Yeah, he was a big guy.

I HAVE A 10 INCH COCK

In your ass, maybe.

YOU MUST HONOR HIS LEGACY BY MAKING OBESE NINJA COMICS.

Or at least commission a decent comic writer to write one.

IT'S HARD TO DRAW A FAT NINJER. D:

I'll draw one for you!

GEWD LUCK! :D

Forget all these stupid assholes.

I wish you the best in these times of hardship.

Damn, dude, I'm really sorry to hear that.

I understand what it's like to lose someone that close. Almost a decade ago now, my next door neighbor died. She was like a grandma to me, and looking back, there's so much I should've asked her.

I still can't talk about it without getting choked up.

Your uncle sounds like one kick-ass guy.

Again, I'm really sorry mate.

Its hard getting an uncle like that. I'm just glad that he went peacefully. Also giving you his sarcasm.

Now you can pass what he wanted to say to us. Well this is far as i go. I really dont know what to say when people die except R.I.P.

Hope you do what he always wanted Slap. A funny comic about ninjas.

A funny comic about OBESE ninjas.

Crouching Fat man, Dropped Twinkie.

I cant wait till that appears in NG. What you gonna name the character?

There will be several!

Obese Ninja!
Jan-a-tor and his sidekick Ur-in-al!
Ann the Anorexic Bitch!
And more! :D

from wat i read he was a good man and a large man.MAY HIS LEGACY LIVE ON INSIDE US ALL!!

Even the name's sounds awesome. Anyway, can you PM me your address? There's a big chance of me not being able to open my Comp soon due to a big test. So i decide lets just write.

Also, look at my page and try to make sense of it. Advertise it if you want. I'll post a real story soon. After this writer's block.

PM me when its out.

Yours truly,
JackRipperz

The one Ripper who doesnt kill people.

(Instead he beats them dead with raw fury and insane thoughts. Thats me)

soor about that man. I hope you can overcome the loss.